The Unfortunate Disconnect Between What is and What Should Be

It was once said, "If only I knew now what I knew then." It seems that what I knew "then" was so black and white, was so defined. What I knew then separated me from the dredges of disappointed cynics. What I knew then was the identifying trait that upheld and maintained me. This week at work someone said that I was cynical and too easily offended. I spent the next few hours trying to figure out what about my naive optimism and often insulting wit caused them to think this. In part I wrote it off as poor vocabulary and use of the words. I've never thought of myself as a pessimist, there are simply things that are and things that are not. Now at 25 I still have not reached in my eyes what I think are the "appropriate amount of life goals" in proportion to my age and occupation. I still long for things that will never be and I still show an unwillingness to make any drastic changes. It is one thing to be unhappy but something entirely worse when you're unhappy and fake. I am struggling in futility to the point that I can't find contentment in anything. I feel like a commercial for Cybalta. Perhaps it is my fault for asking too much, for always wanting more. For wanting the best parts of the lives of those around me while masking the obvious deficits in my own. Perhaps it's from wanting more from people than they want from themselves and begging others to open their eyes to the things that could be only to be shut down yet again by cutting words. Here's to hoping for things to get better and for more days of rain.